Hello Hello everyone! So happy to be back after the short Christmas break which was spent mostly cooking and entertaining and being entertained. I am as of today morning five pounds heavier from all the Christmas feasting but my spirits are ever so light..Ah the Joy of the holiday season – not even your weight can keep you down… …Which is why I thought its a perfect time to present you with some light hearted humour from my friend Hugh of Hugh’s Views and News
Twelve Days of Christmas is one of my favorite Christmas carols. We all love opening Christmas presents and when you have a song that talks about opening gifts not just on Christmas morn’ but for twelve days following the big morning you just feel joy multiplied by..well..twelve? Haha.. When he is not conjuring up wonderful stories and poems and doing his good deeds for charity Hugh is always one for unraveling mysteries and calling on his inner Poirot (or is it Sherlock?) after his tryst with the Grammar Black Market and the Mystery of the Missing U’s I am so proud to present his latest mystery…Enjoy!
Whatever Happened to the Missing Day of Christmas by Hugh
Have you ever wondered what happened to the missing day of Christmas? What’s that, you didn’t even realise one day had gone missing? Well, let me fill you in on the mystery. There are twelve days to Christmas aren’t there? That’s how the song goes
So here’s my story –
The first day of Christmas has to be Christmas day itself (25th December) doesn’t it? Last year, Somebody gave me a Partridge in a pear tree on Christmas day. Not a bad gift, as I was able to plant the pear tree in the garden, but very soon I had to give the partridge away to the farmer down the road, as apart from it being very naughty , all my attempts at training it to fetch a stick failed.
Day two was Boxing day (26th December) and Somebody gave me two turtledoves last boxing day. They were a lovely idea but someone left the window open after the pear tart I baked, using the pears from the pear tree I got the day before caught fire while I was chasing the partridge around the house trying to get my only pair of Christmas socks off of it. Strangely enough, I found a napkin ring inside one of the socks and wondered how it had got there. In short, the two turtle doves made their escape.
Day three (27th December). Now on the third day of Christmas, I was given three French hens. I had to give them away to my French neighbours as I can not speak French. I was hopeless at languages in school, failed miserably.Pierre and Adrienne love the hens and promised me lots of eggs.
Day four (28th December). On this day last year, I was presented with four Calling birds. Well, all they did was call, call, call. OK, one game of bingo with these birds calling out the numbers was fun. But, those birds just wouldn’t stop at one game.Oh no, they went on and on and on.It was when calling out the number eighty eight and them refering to it as “two fat Hughs, eighty eight” that my patience finally snapped, and they ended up at the farm down the road with that naughty partridge, Day five (29th December) I could not beleive it when I was given five golden rings! And I’m not talking about real rings here, Oh no! I’m talking about five gold Napkin rings. Apparently, there should have been six. I overheard the farmer saying something about the naughty partridge stealing one. That partridge has a lot to answer for.
Day six (30th Decmeber). I was presented with six geese that were laying on this day.Now what with Pierre and Adrienne giving me eggs from the French hens and these geese just laying eggs 24 hours a day, I became overrun with eggs. After the thought of living on omlettes and pancakes for the rest of my life, I decided the farmer down the road could have these six geese. P.S – No one mention eggs to me ever again. Not even the Easter egg variety.
Day seven (31st December). It’s New Year’s Eve and what swims past and then jumps out of the water and walks into my house? Yes, seven swans! It was another gift from the farmer as a thank you for the partridge and the geese. He’s best friends with the partridge now, but I asked him to take the swans back to the Windsor castle as I knew Her Majesty would be missing them and I did not want to end up in the Tower of London for stealing. How did I know they belonged to the Queen? She’d told me all about them while playing bingo at my house three days earlier.
Day eight (1st January). Happy New Year everyone! Now I wasn’t best pleased when I was woken up early on New Years Day morning(after a heavy New Years Eve of partying) by eight maids milking cows in my garden. the cows had eaten the pear tree and frightened the French hens next door. Anyway, what on earth am I going to do with eight maids who can do nothing but milk cows? especially when I prefer to get my milk from the super market where it comes ready bottled. I rang the farmer up immediately and he said he would gladly employ the maids as he was short staffed. Oh he also told me he wanted his cows back!
Day nine (2nd January), Now I like to party. But, I told the nine dancing ladies who arrived at my front door that morning that they were two days late for my New Year Eve’s party. Turns out they had knocked on the wrong door and they were infact nice drag queens looking for St. James Street in Brighton town centre (does my house really look like a nightclub with those flashing red lights in the window?) they begged me to go along with them, but my dancing days are well and truly over, I went back to my mug of cocoa, sheepskin slippers and my box set of Downton Abbey.
Day ten (3rd January). On this morning I woke up to ten lords leaping all over my winter vegetable patch. I’d only just got the garden looking nice after it being trashed by those maids and their cows trampling over my lovely veggies, so I was not pleased. Plus, they frightened the French Hens next door when they proceeded to take all their clothes off and leapt over the fence to Pierre and Adriennn’s garden. Needless to day, Adrienne wsn’t the least bit amused but Pierre somehow didn’t seem to mind one bit…I do wonder about him sometimes…
Day eleven (4th January). I thought I was in Scotland when I woke up that morning and heard the playing of bagpipes coming from outside. There were eleven pipers in all and I told them that my friend the farmer was short staffed. So they went marching down the road playing their bagpipes. But, in the evening the farmer rang me up and he sounded mighty displeased! Eight of the pipers had run away with the maids, two eloped with each other and the eleventh had run off with his wife, I don’t think I’ll be getting any more eggs or milk from him for a while.
Day twelve (5th January). When I heard the sound of those drums that evening and saw who were playing them, I invited all the drummer boys in for a glass or two of sherry and some left over Christmas cake. But, they refused to help me take down my Christmas decorations saying that the twefth night was not until the following night. Had I got it wrong? I checked my ‘Best of Kylie’ calendar and sure enough it said that the twelfth night was on the sixth of January. Where had I gone wrong? This is where I got very confused and started wondering where that missing day of Christmas had gone. Were there really only thirty days in December which meant we had all celebrated the arrival of the New Year a day late? and the Mystery continues….