I don’t curse in real life and people who know me in person know that I am pretty mellow and go to large extends to always be polite and well mannered often at the risk of sounding or seeming fake and being misunderstood….It’s a cross that I bear – I for one find it difficult to be any other way.
With friends I try to be honest and when I do let my guard down say the darnedest things which have people in splits of laughter, often because it’s like those funny situations when something you least expect to hear comes from the mouth of someone you least expected it to come from…So, yes I have been that someone and said those somethings but once in a while you just need to let go.
So why did I sound the way I did in my Saturday poem? I was angry. Anger is an emotion that I have yet to come to terms with. Sure, we all feel angry and its just a natural emotion like any other, but expressing ones anger was to me a sign of weakness. As I was discussing with a dear friend Hugh here at WordPress in the comments following my post On Sadness I too like him used to bottle up my feelings especially my anger and then one fine day, I would just explode leaving the person at the receiving end with nothing less than third degree burns and once the catastrophe is over, I’m overwhelmed by this feeling of guilt and remorse and my apologies would follow them for a week.
So bottle -explode -apologise- implode… The focus would shift from the person or thing that I was angry with and move back to me and the fact that I got angry and that I expressed myself in the ugly way that I did.
Did I really need to feel apologetic for my anger? Did I always need to poo poo this feeling and sweep it under my pillow every night I went to bed?
I don’t think so. Anger is a natural emotion like any other emotion you may feel. It creeps up when you sense injustice – when you know something unfair is happening to you or to the people around you. Why shouldn’t you want to express yourself when it happens? Why wouldn’t you want to talk to someone who you feel can make the situation better for you?
I’ve decided to come to terms with my anger by – Accepting – My anger is legit and if someone is making me angry then surely something about the situation has to change. Even if the person you are angry with doesn’t agree with you or your reasons for getting angry it doesn’t matter because, once you’ve accepted the anger you can go about your life and use the feeling to take up those actions that could possibly change your situation.
I think this is what all great men and women of the world have done to make a change in the world – Used their anger as fuel to make a difference.
Have a great week folks!