Thoughts

Even if everything goes well, why do we seek out the chaos and invite it into our life? Is drama necessary to live?

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Getting back to work after a break

Hello all…It’s been a while. A lot has happened and I’m still struggling to find my bearings in Bangalore. Good news (or bad I’m not sure at this point) I’ve started working again. This time it’s a writing job! ( I know!!considering I like to write, this does sound like an interesting turn of events).

I’ve joined a content management company and my work involves reading text books on a varied range of subjects from psychology to religion to management. Language training sessions are great and begin to throw light on punctuations – some choose not to show up on certain occasions and while others show up where they are not invited  and subject-verbs can sometimes ‘disagree’. It’s a process I hear and I’m getting there…

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If any of you are wondering how it feels getting back into the work force after a break. The experience has had its ups and downs…Well, let me explain, I’ve been –

The Samurai and the Emotional wreck: I can tell you now that the experience wasn’t easy and wasn’t very difficult either. That said, I cried like a baby on my  first day. Saying bye to my darling princess was not easy in the least. Even while I sat in the training room where we were filling out forms and finishing up the joining formalities I kept thinking about lil Ems back home.Thank God she was in safe hands and her safety and well-being were not a problem. I always thought I was a very practical sort of person who would do what needed to be done without feeling any emotion like a Japanese Samurai – Nishi the Bushi (Bushi means Japanese Samurai and yes, I realise that sounds very odd with my name and the rhyme just makes it worse) but let me tell you I was Nishi the Mushy on my first day at work. One of my colleagues said she thought I had my b**** face on that day and that I looked kind of intimidating but the truth was, I was feeling bad having left little Ems behind. Don’t worry it’s been a month now and we’ve both adjusted to the new schedule.

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The Debutante and the Elderly matron: Yea so I don’t know if you guys remember I celebrated my 30th birthday here on my blog two years back and it was a nice day. I dreaded the three zero but as it turns out nothing actually changed and things only got better- emotionally I felt mature and in control, I grew more accepting of myself and the way I looked, I felt healthier and more energetic that I did in my twenties…so life was in fact getting better. But here I was at the workplace starting at the bottom with a bunch of twenty somethings. So when I finally got to talk to the cute guy in office and he asked me in a voice interspersed with equal doses of curiosity and innocence how old I was…In my mind I was like..

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…in the end however, I remember squirming and with every ounce of my being trying hard to be honest and finally I voiced my truth- I’m thirty one. Hell, when my nephew asked me how old I was when I blew the candles on my cake this birthday I acted all “caszh’ and told him that I was  ‘forever twenty one’ (the name of the store I bought the dress I was wearing or my age he can go figure) but seriously folks – if I have to be very honest age don’t matter.

The Zen master and the Drama queen: There have been several occasions in my one month of working that I’ve vacillated from being completely in control of my emotions and feelings to when I’ve totally blown my fuse. When my friend at office, lets call her Sally, called me a drama queen after witnessing my numerous meltdowns at the bank while setting up my account and at the office, it made me think and reflect…Maybe I was overreacting, maybe it’s not right to expect people to behave in a certain way when perhaps they were never taught those values in the first place. Lack of professionalism, self-centredness and a blatant disregard for others have become a trademark of majority of the youth in India today. I know I sound very preachy and judgemental at this point but I sincerely yearn for those old school values of chivalry and sincerity…Yes, Mister please explain to these kind folks what I mean…

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When you start something new and after you’ve taken a break, you tend to compare things to how it used to be and how it was. I consider myself fortunate however to have had the opportunity to experience these things and though it does get a little emotionally draining at times there is always an adjustment phase when you are trying to learn and adapt to the new surroundings and new ways of life. How have you all been?

 

Indian summer

It’s 95 degrees Farenheit in Bangalore right now. The ceiling fans been turned up to the fastest speed setting, and I’ve already downed two liters of water since morning. In my mind I’m thinking its nice I’ve got my own natural sauna out here. Wherever I go I sweat to the point my clothes are drenched and my hair! let’s just not go there…I envy all you lucky “bees”(since this is a kid friendly blog ;)) with naturally straight hair because it ain’t easy maintaining a sleek polished look with your hair looking like a place where some bird lays its eggs.

I tell myself sweating is my body letting go of its toxins. The silver lining-I’ve not put on any weight and some of my friends tell me I look like I’ve lost a few pounds – Its water weight I’m losing for sure!

Then again, Bangalore is better than my home state Kerala, also known as-‘God’s own country’ with its lush greenery and beautiful backwaters…when it comes to the heat this year, I’m pretty certain, a few more degrees and it could very well be the ‘Devil’s own hell’! There were moments when I was back home, sorting through my old clothes and knickknacks in the attic like storeroom on the top floor of my house, copious rivulets of sweat flowed continuously from my forehead down my face in torrents.

The flight from the U.S to Bangalore was smooth. American Airlines from Salt lake to Los Angeles followed by Qatar Airways from Los Angeles to Qatar and from Qatar to Bangalore.The airline food was nice and so was the service. I didn’t sleep a wink on the flight and chose to watch a couple of inflight movies back to back – Maleficient had me crying like a baby – all the sadness of leaving America gushed out in torrents, The Intern, Peter Pan….Melissa Mccarthy’s- The Spy left me in splits-everything was for the best.

We’ve been travelling a lot since we got here. So far, I’ve been to Bangalore, Mumbai and passed through Tamil Nadu on the way to Kerala in three weeks! So including Kerala I’ve covered four states in three weeks! Em’s been meeting a lot of her extended family on these trips…many tight hugs and loving kisses from loving grandaunts and uncles and cousins. Must say my little girl is holding up quite well from all this travel and change in climate. Except for a cold in between she’s been fine…Praise God! Thankfully the jet lag lasted didn’t more than a week, but the travels have left me exhausted.

We’ve also been meeting up with interior designers to do the kitchen and the wood work at our new apartment so that’s another major thing we need to finalize. How have you all been? All gearing up for the hot summers I hope! Till next take care luvs!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016

Greetings one and all! It’s New Years Eve here and maybe already New Year in some parts of the globe so HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016 to all my fellow bloggers!

I saw my Aunt had posted on her Facebook page that, the results of an online survey, in the New Year she could look forward to – ‘More muscles’, great love, career advancements and lots of travels. Everyone in the family had a good laugh…Who writes these online questionnaires anyway?!!

My mum just sent me a New Years wish

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Looking back at 2015, I say it surely wasn’t one of the most stellar years of my life. Definitely one of those so – so years where I’ve achieved nothing ‘ground breaking’ nor experienced anything ‘earth shattering’ …To condense 365 days in a nutshell I would call it – a year of ‘certain uncertainties’, lags and difficult decisions.

In 2015, I was actively involved in the lives of friends in my real life and less in my virtual world.

Smidgens of wisdom from 2015 –

  1. EI is important!! Always maintain Emotional Integrity in relationships. I’m sure we all have those moments where you feel like you were dropped into that awkward social environment where you know being friends with a person is not conducive in the long run, but you thwart your inner ‘ESPN’ (I hear you Karen of Mean Girls.. :D) and carry on anyways…Word of advise – DON’T
  2.  Regrouping is important!! Be mindful of your goals and direction in life. Take time off in your day to regroup. People and places throw you off track but as Tina would say, when its time to shut down –
  3. KISS Always!! Keep it Simple Silly!You think you’d like to take over the world and do it all and be nice to everyone…you buy stuff you do and don’t need, when what you should actually be doing is- just say a few words of gratitude to all people and things for the good and bad lessons learnt and let go! I think we all need some Marie Kondo in our lives

I have a huge announcement. The New Year I will be moving from the U.S back to India. I don’t know if you all knew but we were here because of my husbands work assignment and it has sadly come to an end and we fly back around February 2016…So here’s to New beginnings!

Happy New Year everyone!

 

 

Monday Rambles – On Anger

I don’t curse in real life and people who know me in person know that I am pretty mellow and go to large extends to always be polite and well mannered often at the risk of sounding or seeming fake and being misunderstood….It’s a cross that I bear – I for one find it difficult to be any other way.

With friends I try to be honest and when I do let my guard down say the darnedest things which have people in splits of laughter, often because it’s like those funny situations when something you least expect to hear comes from the mouth of someone you least expected it to come from…So, yes I have been that someone and said those somethings but once in a while you just need to let go.

So why did I sound the way I did in my Saturday poem? I was angry. Anger is an emotion that I have yet to come to terms with. Sure, we all feel angry and its just a natural emotion like any other, but expressing ones anger was to me  a sign of weakness. As I was discussing with a dear friend Hugh here at WordPress in the comments following my post On Sadness I too like him used to bottle up my feelings especially my anger and then one fine day, I would just explode leaving the person at the receiving end with nothing less than third degree burns and once the catastrophe is over, I’m overwhelmed by this feeling of  guilt and remorse and my apologies would follow them for a week.

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So bottle -explode -apologise- implode… The focus would shift from the person or thing that I was angry with and move back to me and the fact that I got angry and that I expressed myself in the ugly way that I did.

Did I really need to feel apologetic for my anger? Did I always need to poo poo this feeling and sweep it under my pillow every night I went to bed?

I don’t think so. Anger is a natural emotion like any other emotion you may feel. It creeps up when you sense injustice – when you know something unfair is happening to you or to the people around you. Why shouldn’t you want to express yourself when it happens? Why wouldn’t you want to talk to someone who you feel can make the situation better for you?

I’ve decided to come to terms with my anger by – Accepting – My anger is legit and if someone is making me angry then surely something about the situation has to change. Even if the person you are angry with doesn’t agree with you or your reasons for getting angry it doesn’t matter because, once you’ve accepted the anger you can go about your life and use the feeling to take up those actions that could possibly change your situation.

I think this is what all great men and women of the world have done to make a change in the world – Used their anger as fuel to make a difference.

Have a great week folks!

Monday Rambles – Sound bytes on Personality at the department store

Aloha my lovelies! How are you all doing? I’m sorry I literally didn’t show up the whole of last week..Not that I’m presumptuous enough to assume that my not posting on my blog would cause anyone to go ‘off their rocker’ crazy because they need ‘The Showcase’ fix to light up their day. Though that would be so cool if it were true isnt it? Fabulous Nishi – Transfixing, Transforming…on second thoughts that would hands down be the corniest thing I’ve ever written on this blog don’t you think?..Uh..No, don’t answer that question…

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Moving on, the last week the whole family ( read the husband, lil Ems and I) were a little under the weather and we were mostly at home taking turns at doing steam inhalations and salt water gargles- two most effective ways to eradicate a wily cold or throat irritation especially if you catch it at its early stages and oh yes! those and plenty of fluids…We also set the clocks ahead by an hour last Sunday and embraced our newly extended hours of daylight with open arms and like a caterpillar sheds its cocoon our winter wardrobe has been stacked away until they will be summoned next winter.

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Moving onto a totally unrelated subject, a few weeks back I overheard the cashier at our local Smiths store speaking to a colleague about a certain other colleague whom we shall call Ms. Sunshine.It was pretty late in the evening and as I was standing in line to pay, Ms. Cashier tells the colleague how everyone just loooves Ms. Sunshine because she is always smiling and being ‘nice’ (as though it was a crime) and then what she said next was the icing on the cake – She said, she thinks that Ms. Sunshine is that way because-wait for it-  she has “No Personality” (!!?)

When it was my turn to pay, Ms. Cashier “acknowleded”  my presence with an expressionless,sideways raised eyebrows glance while chewing her gum open mouthed, rang up my purchase with as much enthusiasm as a Jersey cow standing in a pasture chewing the cud and continued to gossip about Ms. Sunshine to aforementioned colleague while I paid for the goods and ambled on with my bags.

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Ms. Cashier is not alone. It’s a worldwide phenomena – growing number of people consider ‘being nice’ as being synonymous for ‘being dumb’ or ‘being fake’. Nice people get pushed around and taken for granted. Their smiles and good natures are dubbed as idiotic and uninteresting. Which explains the popularity of the Kardashians and the “Real” Housewives and the Snookis and J Wowws of the world. People accept the rude, the crass and the confrontational and don’t know how to handle the nice.

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Going back to Ms. Cashier, just because Ms. Sunshine doesn’t throw an attitude and bombard you with her sound bytes doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a personality. Isn’t the fact that Ms. Sunshine is ‘nice’ tell us that she is an amicable person with a pleasing personality that people like to be around? And you know what – Ms. Sunshine could actually be the smartest person working in the store because she knows her sunny disposition and cheery charm will actually take her farther in life than Ms. Cashier will ever go with her snooty attitude and terrible manners.

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Not that I’m writing off our generation because I truly believe that inspite of all the deplorable and disgusting stories we hear and however much we may lament the death of chivalry and the growing materialism of our times; there are a few deep, compassionate and considerate souls on earth who treat people with respect and who don’t see being ‘nice’ as a sign of weakness but rather the superior ability to rise to the occasion and make best of an otherwise hostile man-eat-man world…I just hope they don’t become disillusioned and go extinct.

Never underrate the power of being nice because ‘Nice people’ are always in demand.Tell me isn’t it easier to simply blow your top when you are in a bad mood than to maintain your composure and put on a smile? Businesses even when they formulate cut throat strategies know they would never thrive with shoddy customer service.

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Leave behind a legacy of being nice. Have a great week folks!

Monday Rambles – On Sadness

What’s up everyone. Last week, despite all my good intentions I couldn’t devote as much time as I would’ve liked to blogging and browsing. You know -You want to do this, end up doing that and as Seinfeld would put it-  yada yada yada..

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No, I wasn’t watching reruns of Seinfeld but you know those times you feel so down in the dumps, so blue you have no clue, so low you just don’t know what to do ?

So sad and depressed that if a person walked into your room with a gun you’d happily stick it down your throat and pull the trigger (No, you’ve never felt that? Then, that’s just me then…)

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But what I’m trying to say folks is again nothing new – Emotions are so powerful. I read a quote somewhere last week and now I can’t find it and when paraphrased it goes like – ‘great art is often the result of great sadness’. I agree that sadness is a very deep and strong emotion that when experienced in moderate to high levels, it awakens the poet in you however, when experienced at its peak, it steals the words from your world rendering you mute…which reminds me of the scene in the book Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte where when after her wedding to Mr. Rochester comes to an abrupt end mid ceremony with the revelation that he is already married and  she realizes that all along she has been living under the same roof as his mentally ill wife, she sits on her bed in her wedding dress – ‘too sad to even cry’

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Michael Fassbender as Mr. Rochester and Mia Wasikowska as Jane Eyre…

I am an eternal optimist and so I will definitely point out that the silver lining in experiencing these temporary troughs in life is it offers you the gift of empathy. You learn to walk in other peoples shoes even if its not your size and you are feeling uncomfortable and to reach out to others and make a meaningful impact in their lives through your words and actions.

I look at lil Em today and I feel this surging emotion of wanting to protect her from all the nastiness in this world. As a parent I want her to be happy ALWAYS even if I know it is not possible and shield her from the meanies and the recreants of the world thinking it would maybe scar her emotionally and psychologically. But this would not be right or possible. She will collect sea shells of good and bad experiences in her little sand bucket as she walks along the sea shore of life….Its inevitable. The only thing I can do as a parent would be to be PRESENT and give her the confidence that my shoulder will always be free for her if she needs me.

So count your blessings and never forget your misfortunes because you tend to draw a lot of wisdom and life lessons from them. And…Write them down.