Diary of Sam – The Art of conversation

Dear Diary,

“So, I’ve never been an excellent conversationalist. I’m the guy when you sit down in a group and suddenly you notice everyone has left and its just you and that guy and you have no other place to go and you strain your brain for a very good excuse for a place to be so that you could avoid just sitting there with me and all the awkwardness..or we both just stare into our cellphones and the other guy tweets –

Stuck with weirdo#worstdayofmylife#whyme#dudegokillyourself”

…Yes, that’s been me.

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Its come to the point where I start getting panic attacks if I’m left alone in a room with just one person..if its two people its perfectly fine because if nothing else, the other two will strike a conversation with each other and I can play the role of the perfect bystander…

I’m a ‘good’ listener..did you know listeners are in great demand! Two people who are huge at talking and have an ego to match don’t quite get along and they love guys like me who suffer from a condition of chronic low self esteem who will listen to just about any non sense or gossip and bear with your idiosyncrasies so that I have an excuse not to open my mouth and can drift into the comfort of my imagination all the while acting like I’m engrossed in whatever it is you are saying..I have indeed perfected the art of ‘zoning out’.Like Mr. Walter Mitty down here

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“Just in ‘the zone’ bro”

Chicks dig me. I’m the guy they come to with their ‘issues’…stuff they can’t talk to their boyfriends about or even stuff about other girls they love to ‘share’ with me…Did I mention I’m the master of zoning out…but Hey! Im not that bad. I do listen once in a while and they ‘appreciate’ the words of wisdom I sometimes dole out in highly concentrated doses..I am also the Master of brevity..almost makes me feel like a Buddhist monk or a Zen master…fleeting boosts to my self esteem…

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I sometimes attribute my lack of topics to talk about or even the inability to contribute to my average IQ…took the IQ test and it said I had a score of 155 which is supposed to be a high average.So I’m not dumb neither am I Stephen Hawking.

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I have this crush on this girl though and I think she might be interested in me, what with all my ‘Zenness’ and all. But, I’m not sure if I can hold her attention for too long..What if she leaves me when she discovers that I’m not so cool? That I’m just a guy with the flair for the dramatic and a chronic case of lazybonitis?

She seems so smart…I think the love bug has gotten to my head as I see ‘How to master the art of conversation‘ and ‘Increase your brain power in Ten days‘ lying on my desk glowing under the light of my table lamp.

Will I be a survivor? Can I change the fate of all my brothers who dont have the gift of the gab or will I end up in the love dumpster? Guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Good night.