Monday Rambles – Fears

Hey everyone! I’m still here. Things that were supposed to happen months ago are happening only now. Though the plan was to start back in January due to the husband’s work we had to stay back another month and when finally tickets were booked and the itinerary confirmed for the end of Feb, again he was asked to stay back for another month and so here we still are and hoping that we will finally fly to India this weekend – Saturday to be exact. Looks like Easter Sunday will be spent in – flight.

Its been crazy and although ideally I would’ve liked to be all calm and composed and zen like, reality has been far from it… When you’ve prepared your mind for something and you hear that your plans are not to be there is this feeling of powerlessness and uncertainty which don’t quiet agree with me. I hate surprises and the Cancerian that I am – I hate feeling insecure.

I’m a firm believer in the adage – Everything happens for a reason and so I settled down and decided to find the silver lining in my ‘situation’

Problem (s) – I feel stuck, I have a home in India I need to set up and being in another country further delays our settling in, I need to find a job so that the break in my resume doesn’t turn into a gaping pothole, We’ve discontinued Em’s school so shes at home and every moment I don’t engage her ends up with me feeling terribly guilty, I miss my family and friends who I’ve not seen for so many years now.

All these problems I know will disappear once we get to India but there is still this nagging thought at the back of my head…A fear that I may get sucked up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and lose my voice again. If I’m not creative I don’t exist. I also fear being consumed by my fears.

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Dear Reader, I’m sorry I’m drawing you into my fears and insecurities and I know I started this blog as my happy place. Where I can be happy and where if anyone drops by can feel happy and maybe inspired (?) 🙂

I hope you all pray for me and as I step into what feels like a new chapter in my life, your good wishes and friendship will remain because, you are all so special to me!

Wishing you all a wonderful week!