If you read the title and felt it didn’t make any sense – it doesn’t! :). I know its been a while since I’ve (virtually) chatted with you all, mommy hood just seems to take up all my time these days.Despite all my good intentions to enroll Ems in preschool last year it didn’t happen. The pre school here requires that she be fully potty trained and I am proud to say WE’VE finally achieved the feat of going to the potty unassisted and she starts school next month!
She’s a good child no doubt about that. She’s not very fussy and listens to what I say, but you know as a mum you always wonder if you are actually doing enough and being over critical of your ‘mothering skills’. So I got the workbooks and the flashcards and the three line books to prepare her for the wonderful world of learning and growing up ahead of her.
She’s picking up and loves singing the Alphabet song and counting from 1-20 (with a few number jumbled up between 11 and 20) But trust me – teaching a child is no easy feat! I always thought of myself as a very patient person but I guess I proved myself wrong. I yelled, threw tantrums, had a ‘Pity Party’ (did you see that song by Melanie Martinez from The Voice? ) cried and then realized my approach was all wrong.
I had to be the PARENT instead of the BIG BABY I had turned into and set the example. I calmed down and stopped the pushing and the nagging and then things just started falling in place. Maybe a series on my experiences as a mom later.
Hope you are all having a great summer! Have a great week guys!
Hi everyone! Yes, I did notice that its been a week since I posted anything on here and I have decided I am not going to make any excuses when life gets in the way.
In my role as mother and wife I sometimes get frustrated thinking how much I have to keep putting off the things I want to do for myself while adjusting to changing schedules of the husband and the little one and in those moments I just retract into myself and choose to not speak as talking or writing here would only entail a lot of negative rants. Yes, yes, I’m sure a lot of my lady friends reading this and (some men) would sympathize with me and some others will think -“Sure, so whats new?” Life is about sacrifices.
While I was going through this phase I stumbled upon this quote by Menander – a Greek Dramatist who lived in the late 300 B.C who is also considered one of the best writers of Athenian New Comedy..and what he wrote did not amuse me one bit –
“We live not as we wish to but as we can”
I actually saw this on my Uncle J’s Facebook page and when I first read it the state of mind that I was in, I was only able to interpret it negatively. I felt the quote represented complacency, smugness and a defeatist attitude towards life. And then a couple of days later I actually got to speak to Uncle J when he had come online and as we were talking the quote came up and I told him that I felt people should be able to live the way they want and wish, as only then will they be able to feel accomplished and happy. To which my Uncle replied and I quote, “but to think that you can always live as you wish will lead you to feel desolate and despondent for nothing at all” and this is when the true meaning of the quote struck me.
Sometimes feeling regret and sadness for the things that you have not done makes you miss out on the joys that the present has to offer. We have to live as we CAN – giving our 100 per cent to every person, situation present in the NOW. It is like buying clothes smaller than your actual size rather than what fits you now – you will neither be able to enjoy the clothes you’ve bought nor be able to appreciate the body you are in right now or like driving on the streets of New York and day dreaming you were relaxing on the beach in Hawaii – who knows you might miss seeing that ‘special someone’ while waiting at the signal..romantic much? 😉
So as much as I would love for my dreams to come true ( Yes, I believe they do. Rhonda Byrnes’ ‘The Secret’ is one of my most favorite books of all time) feeling down and frustrated in the now will not help me get there. You don’t have to sacrifice your dreams because some dreams take a more realistic shape with passing time until then live your life in the present for they are stepping stones to your final destination.
I hope that by next week I will be able to get the blog back on track and have my rambles and poems when they are supposed to be out in the meantime have a great week folks!
You all know how I feel about Mondays. I’ve written about it once before in my Monday Blues. It’s the day of the week that I choose not to do anything and just laze around and even let Little Em do whatever she feels like.
Well, yesterday was not to be one of those lazy Monday mornings because my daughter had a ‘playdate’ with our neighbour’s daughter who is exactly a year older than her – three. Now what could two little girls with angelic faces do around the house that could disrupt your peace of mind and lead you to stress eat all the chips and cheese you could get your hands on..well as I found out the hard way – A LOT!
So in between googling ‘how to get acrylic paint off carpets’, scrubbing the floors, washing paint off the kids hands and feet (since they decided their bodies were better canvases than the papers I gave them to paint on) and sending them off to play outside and then running around the apartment complex in circles searching for where the girls had disappeared (only to discover they had gone knocking at another little girls house) -when I had very clearly directed them to play where I could see them from my balcony – I could get very little done yesterday.
Any who, towards evening, we had kind of settled back in the house and the girls decided to play with blocks. At this point Ems friend Cam asked me a very interesting question – ‘Em’s mom, why do we have dads?’
Cams father and mother are divorced since he was an alcoholic and was physically abusive towards her mother and so Cam and her brother currently live with her mother and her mother’s boyfriend.
I was not sure what to tell the little girl as I have never been asked philosophical questions of this caliber by the two year old I have at home and the woman of a few words that I am struggled for a couple of minutes to come up with the right words to frame in a sentence so that I do not hurt anybody’s sentiments. So in the end I came up with the very diplomatic- ‘You have dads to love you and care for you’..and I thought the discussion would end there but it continued on –
Cam: ‘But I don’t have a dad’
Me: ‘Sure you do, doesn’t W (the boyfriend) love and care for you?
Me: ‘Then W is your dad now’
Cam: ‘But J’s my dad’
Me: ‘The person who loves you and takes care of you right now is your dad’
Cam: ‘My mum loves and cares for me’
Me: ‘Oh thats nice, so shes like your mum and dad now then’
The conversation ended there and from the smile on her face I gathered she seemed pretty happy with the fact that her mother could be both her mum and her dad at the same time.
So why do we have dads? its obvious that a sperm donor does not a father make. Like they say a good mother is loving, patient, empathetic, strong, responsive, giving and selfless, the more I thought about it the same applies to a good father as well.
Traditional, old school dads who would sit in his man chair in his man cave, talk in grunts, maybe give the sons a couple of pointers when it came to sports and his primary (and in some cases only) ‘job’ as father was to provide for the family financially. With changes in gender roles fatherhood has to a large extend evolved too.
With the testosterone surge new fathers feel when they hold their babies in their arms for the very first time happens, the trickling in or rush of ‘paternal love’. And that brand of strong, protective, never malicious ( however insidious it may seem at times picture father throwing baby in the air and catching it),fun, crazy, reliable and unconditional love which is open and accepting of children no matter what silly mistakes they make as part of their growing pains is the kind of love only a father can give. Long sentence…I know!
So what do you think would’ve been a better answer to Cam’s question?
So its time for the Monday rambles! Yet another week starts and we step into the latter half of July..One word to describe a typical July afternoon – scorching heat..sorry two words..step out in the afternoons and you feel your skin burn.Sunscreen is definitely my best friend these days.
Did you see the ‘Supermoon’ on Friday? For those who didnt, the Super moon a.k.a the ‘perigee moon’ “is the closest approach of the moon on its elliptical orbit around the earth resulting in the largest apparent size of the lunar disk as seen from the earth” (courtesy Wikipedia)
We were just returning after dinner Friday night and as we were driving back home after ice cream at Cold Stone we got this magnificent view of the moon over the mountains. Sure Ive seen a full moon before but what was so amazing was the apparent proximity and the view as we saw it – this looming luminous disk right in the middle of two mountains..grey peaks set against the black night sky and there she shone this perfect round iridescent wonderment..Technically,it’s described as an optical illusion but the moon couldnt look any more real than it did that night.
The husband rushed back home, grabbed his camera and drove back to the ice cream place to get a shot of the view, only to realise that, at the end of all that frantic rushing up and down four flights of stairs he had forgotten to load the batteries!!..All hope is not lost. As per NASA the next supermoon will appear on August 10 and September 9. For the time being guess I’ll be happy feasting my eyes on the pictures posted online
Coming to the second part of my rambles. Am I a supermom? No, I don’t think so. Im just trying to be the best mum I possibly can. But I do know a couple of supermoms who raise their kids and manage full time jobs all on their own.Its wonderful to see them and looking at the way they’ve got it all down to a T is nothing short of inspiring.
Looking back to how I used to be ten years ago, my twenty year old self would’ve balked and guffawed at the idea of kids..Kids were smelly trouble makers…as long as they were at a safe enough distance where they wouldn’t pull your hair, throw you off balance or swing things in your direction I would look and smile at them in fake admiration. I guess inspite of the fact that I had matured physically, emotionally I was just an immature child who couldn’t take care of herself and had neither the affinity nor the time to care for another human being.
This weekend a very dear friend of mine, D confirmed that she was expecting her first child and it was the best news I’ve heard from her in a long time. My twenty year old self would’ve thought that I had lost her now and that her life had come to an end..but as a mother myself I realize that her life is now taking a turn for the best.
At thirty I believe these little human beings are life changers. They make you feel and perceive things you’ve never felt or perceived before. They give you a better appreciation for yourself and for the world around you. I’ve never loved myself more than I do now. Children bring out that certain kind of love you may never have thought you were capable of – unconditional, always present, powerful..Isn’t this what makes God the greatest parent?!
Okay this was supposed to be short …Have a great week guys!