Monday Rambles – Fears

Hey everyone! I’m still here. Things that were supposed to happen months ago are happening only now. Though the plan was to start back in January due to the husband’s work we had to stay back another month and when finally tickets were booked and the itinerary confirmed for the end of Feb, again he was asked to stay back for another month and so here we still are and hoping that we will finally fly to India this weekend – Saturday to be exact. Looks like Easter Sunday will be spent in – flight.

Its been crazy and although ideally I would’ve liked to be all calm and composed and zen like, reality has been far from it… When you’ve prepared your mind for something and you hear that your plans are not to be there is this feeling of powerlessness and uncertainty which don’t quiet agree with me. I hate surprises and the Cancerian that I am – I hate feeling insecure.

I’m a firm believer in the adage – Everything happens for a reason and so I settled down and decided to find the silver lining in my ‘situation’

Problem (s) – I feel stuck, I have a home in India I need to set up and being in another country further delays our settling in, I need to find a job so that the break in my resume doesn’t turn into a gaping pothole, We’ve discontinued Em’s school so shes at home and every moment I don’t engage her ends up with me feeling terribly guilty, I miss my family and friends who I’ve not seen for so many years now.

All these problems I know will disappear once we get to India but there is still this nagging thought at the back of my head…A fear that I may get sucked up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and lose my voice again. If I’m not creative I don’t exist. I also fear being consumed by my fears.

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Dear Reader, I’m sorry I’m drawing you into my fears and insecurities and I know I started this blog as my happy place. Where I can be happy and where if anyone drops by can feel happy and maybe inspired (?) 🙂

I hope you all pray for me and as I step into what feels like a new chapter in my life, your good wishes and friendship will remain because, you are all so special to me!

Wishing you all a wonderful week!

 

 

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Monday Rambles – Hardly gone just rambling on

If you read the title and felt it didn’t make any sense – it doesn’t! :). I know its been a while since I’ve (virtually) chatted with you all, mommy hood just seems to take up all my time these days.Despite all my good intentions to enroll Ems in preschool last year it didn’t happen. The pre school here requires that she be fully potty trained and I am proud to say WE’VE finally achieved the feat of going to the potty unassisted and she starts school next month!

She’s a good child no doubt about that. She’s not very fussy and listens to what I say, but you know as a mum you always wonder if you are actually doing enough and being over critical of your ‘mothering skills’. So I got the workbooks and the flashcards and the three line books to prepare her for the wonderful world of learning and growing up ahead of her.

She’s picking up and loves singing the Alphabet song and counting from 1-20 (with a few number jumbled up between 11 and 20) But trust me – teaching a child is no easy feat! I always thought of myself as a very patient person but I guess I proved myself wrong. I yelled, threw tantrums, had a ‘Pity Party’ (did you see that song by Melanie Martinez from The Voice? ) cried and then realized my approach was all wrong.

I had to be the PARENT instead of the BIG BABY I had turned into and set the example. I calmed down and stopped the pushing and the nagging and then things just started falling in place. Maybe a series on my experiences as a mom later.

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Hope you are all having a great summer! Have a great week guys!

A Playdate and a question :)

You all know how I feel about Mondays. I’ve written about it once before in my Monday Blues. It’s the day of the week that I choose not to do anything and just laze around and even let Little Em do whatever she feels like.

Well, yesterday was not to be one of those lazy Monday mornings because my daughter had a ‘playdate’ with our neighbour’s daughter who is exactly a year older than her – three. Now what could two little girls with angelic faces do around the house that could disrupt your peace of mind and lead you to stress eat all the chips and cheese you could get your hands on..well as I found out the hard way – A LOT!

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Image courtesy:reallifetravels.com

So in between googling ‘how to get acrylic paint off carpets’, scrubbing the floors, washing paint off the kids hands and feet (since they decided their bodies were better canvases than the papers I gave them to paint on) and sending them off to play outside and then running around the apartment complex in circles searching for where the girls had disappeared (only to discover they had gone knocking at another little girls house) -when I had very clearly directed them to play where I could see them from my balcony – I could get very little done yesterday.

Any who, towards evening, we had kind of settled back in the house and the girls decided to play with blocks. At this point Ems friend Cam asked me a very interesting question – ‘Em’s mom, why do we have dads?’

Cams father and mother are divorced since he was an alcoholic and was physically abusive towards her mother and so Cam and her brother currently live with her mother and her mother’s boyfriend.

I was not sure what to tell the little girl as I have never been asked philosophical questions of this caliber by the two year old I have at home and the woman of a few words that I am struggled for a couple of minutes to come up with the right words to frame in a sentence so that I do not hurt anybody’s sentiments. So in the end I came up with the very diplomatic- ‘You have dads to love you and care for you’..and I thought the discussion would end there but it continued on –

Cam: ‘But I don’t have a dad’

Me: ‘Sure you do, doesn’t W (the boyfriend) love and care for you?

Cam: ‘Yea’

Me: ‘Then W is your dad now’

Cam: ‘But J’s my dad’

Me: ‘The person who loves you and takes care of you right now is your dad’

Cam: ‘My mum loves and cares for me’

Me: ‘Oh thats nice, so shes like your mum and dad now then’

Cam: ‘Yea’

The conversation ended there and from the smile on her face I gathered she seemed pretty happy with the fact that her mother could be both her mum and her dad at the same time.

So why do we have dads? its obvious that a sperm donor does not a father make. Like they say a good mother is loving, patient, empathetic, strong, responsive, giving and selfless, the more I thought about it the same applies to a good father as well.

Traditional, old school dads who would sit in his man chair in his man cave, talk in grunts, maybe give the sons a couple of pointers when it came to sports and his primary (and in some cases only) ‘job’ as father was to provide for the family financially. With changes in gender roles fatherhood has to a large extend evolved too.

With the testosterone surge new fathers feel when they hold their babies in their arms for the very first time happens, the trickling in or rush of ‘paternal love’. And that brand of strong, protective, never malicious ( however insidious it may seem at times picture father throwing baby in the air and catching it),fun, crazy, reliable and unconditional love which is open and accepting of children no matter what silly mistakes they make as part of their growing pains is the kind of love only a father can give. Long sentence…I know!

Thus, dads.

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Image courtesy:www.pintrest.com

So what do you think would’ve been a better answer to Cam’s question?

Have a great week guys!

 

 

Monday Rambles – Mummy says…

Hello guys!..I’m coming down with something – a cold ?a flu? not sure yet, but I have a box of Kleenex ready and my laptop steady as I lie down on the couch and type out my Monday morning rambles for the new week.

I have no clue how I contracted the virus I’m not sure but I’m thinking its an allergy of sorts from the cold wind that blew saturday evening while I caught up on Selena Gomez and her hard partying ways and Oprahs ‘35 ways to make over your life‘ while the baby slept peacefully at the back of the car as the husband went into Best Buy to check on something – Men and their romance with electronics!

Anyways moving onto rambles. My mother has been big on Proverbs and sayings. Everyday she would dole out her pearls of wisdom at the end of every after- school conversation while growing up.The ‘Top 3’ as I remember them are

1. A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.

2. Do not judge a book by the cover.

3. You are what you eat.

Now it was upto us my brother and I to take these words of wisdom and see how they held up as we tried to apply it in the real world and out there trying to put these sayings to practical use was tough. At the workplace I saw that people with the worst reputations were very quickly climbing up the corporate ladder, The lazier a person looked in his outward appearance most likely he was a ‘shabby snook’ in real life as well.

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With busy schedules it was not always easy to be mindful of what we ate.

I dont mean to discredit Mum just wanted to say that to apply Mums life lessons to everyday life was not easy. the ‘Real World’ was tough and the rules had to be applied in a different way to get through life while preserving your sense of self dignity and self esteem.

Maybe we’ll dwell on this together later. Have a great week guys!

Monday Rambles – Beat the Emotional Funk with I.W.R

So its time for my Monday rambles..I missed rambling monday last week not because I did’nt have anything to write about, but more because I was in what you’d  call an ‘Emotional Funk’.

Well, you know times when you just feel disconnected and listless and when nothing excites and motivates you to get out of your Pajamas and you end up looking like a mop. I used to think of it as a spell of ‘Chronic Laziness’ but now I understand its just a phase where you lose your ‘Passion’ for that Special V.V.I.P – You! 

I decided I had to beat the ‘E. F’ with the ‘I.W.R’ and fall in love with myself once more..

I for IDENTIFY The first step to solving virtually every problem on the planet and specially in this particular situation is to – IDENTIFY that you are in an emotional funk and not always being influenced by hormones or any paranormal power that is from universes far away controlling your brain.

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W for WORK The second step is to WORK your way out of it. I know I used the dreaded four letter word but I’m in no mood to sugar coat this Monday morning. Yes guys, life is all about work – making an effort and having fun as much as you can while doing it.

You work at your job, your home, on your relationships..sometimes you forget or shall I say, neglect  working on yourself.

So I made the effort to declutter my house, vacuum, throw the trash and finally light some scented candles and run a nice warm bath…An hour of deep pore exfoliating and trust me, I could feel a burden lift off my forehead.

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R for REVITALISE  After I and W you are already feeling a lot better. Next,  you engage in activities outdoors like going for a walk in the park or simply around your neighborhood or the gym or, you stay indoors- writing or painting or just creating something and you feel joy and contentment once again in life.. Ah! Alls well.

I had fun making some matching bracelets for Em and me..Lets spread the happiness.. 🙂

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I hope you guys have a great week!

 

Monday rambles -Supermoon and Supermom

So its time for the Monday rambles! Yet another week starts and we step into the latter half of July..One word to describe a typical July afternoon – scorching heat..sorry two words..step out in the afternoons and you feel your skin burn.Sunscreen is definitely my best friend these days.

Did you see the ‘Supermoon’ on Friday? For those who didnt, the Super moon a.k.a the ‘perigee moon’ “is the closest approach of the moon on its elliptical orbit around the earth resulting in the largest apparent size of the lunar disk as seen from the earth” (courtesy Wikipedia) 

We were just returning after dinner Friday night and as we were driving back home after ice cream at Cold Stone we got this magnificent view of the moon over the mountains. Sure Ive seen a full moon before but what was so amazing was the apparent proximity and the view as we saw it –  this looming luminous disk right in the middle of two mountains..grey peaks set against the black night sky and there she shone this perfect round iridescent wonderment..Technically,it’s described as an optical illusion but the moon couldnt look any more real than it did that night.

The husband rushed back home, grabbed his camera and drove back to the ice cream place to get a shot of the view, only to realise that, at the end of all that frantic rushing up and down four flights of stairs he had forgotten to load the batteries!!..All hope is not lost. As per NASA the next supermoon will appear on August 10 and September 9. For the time being guess I’ll be happy feasting my eyes on the pictures posted online

next-supermoon-10-august-2014.jpg (558×456)Coming to the second part of my rambles. Am I a supermom? No, I don’t think so. Im just trying to be the best mum I possibly can. But I do know a couple of supermoms who raise their kids and manage full time jobs all on their own.Its wonderful to see them and looking at the way they’ve got it all down to a T is nothing short of inspiring.

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Looking back to how I used to be ten years ago, my twenty year old self would’ve balked and guffawed at the idea of kids..Kids were smelly trouble makers…as long as they were at a safe enough distance where they wouldn’t pull your hair, throw you off balance or swing things in your direction I would look and smile at them in fake admiration. I guess inspite of the fact that I had matured physically, emotionally I was just an immature child who couldn’t take care of herself and had neither the affinity nor the time to care for another human being.

This weekend a very dear friend of mine, D confirmed that she was expecting her first child and it was the best news I’ve heard from her in a long time. My twenty year old self would’ve thought that I had lost her now and that her life had come to an end..but as a mother myself I realize that her life is now taking a turn for the best.

At thirty I believe these little human beings are life changers. They make you feel and perceive things you’ve never felt or perceived before. They give you a better appreciation for yourself and for the world around you. I’ve never loved myself more than I do now. Children bring out that certain kind of love you may never have thought you were capable of – unconditional, always present, powerful..Isn’t this what makes God the greatest parent?!

Okay this was supposed to be short …Have a great week guys!

 

 

 

Monday rambles – simple delights

Its Monday again and I’m sticking to my thing of not complicating the day and posting my rambles to warm up for the week ahead..

Last weekend was busy with the fireworks of the 4th of July and entertaining friends at home. It was a nice weekend of small and simple delights. Ive been here in the US for two years now. Last year we were in North Carolina and we missed seeing the 4th of July fireworks. I dont remember why exactly…had something to do with the baby and her sleep time I think, as the fireworks happen real late in the night.

This year we are in Utah and I decided not to miss it eventhough the husband did share ‘fun’ facts on how ‘Fireworks impact the environment’, but eventually even he decided not to be a killjoy..

So we drove to this place we thought was the nearest point where the fireworks would be only to realise that all along the way at various points people were lighting fire crackers..so it felt like we were in one of those cars on the set of some old movie from the 60s driving away while fireworks happened at the backdrop.

It was already ten when we got to Thanksgiving point and the sun had set. Many people had already parked their cars on the side of the road, spread out their blankets/sheets and planted themselves on the grass with coolers of beer by their side. There were kids playing with fluorescent rings that glowed in bright neon and fluorescent green in their hands and on their necks. They were all there – the young and the old – to celebrate the freedom that the founding fathers had so painstakingly fought for and won..and as the fireworks whooshed into the sky and exploded boom! to form magnificent flower like patterns must say I felt thankful just for being alive!

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Saturday was fun and busy. Entertaining friends and family is something I love to do, though I dont get to do it as often as Id like.Preparation started two days in advance – chopping and marinating meat dishes in particular so that all the spices and the aromas are perfect when they are cooked and served. In India we say ‘Athithi Devo Bhava which translates to ‘The Guest is God’ so I took it upon myself to ensure that my guests had as close to ‘heavenly’ an experience as I could offer and was extra careful not to burn anything (as you see Im still an amateur when it comes to cooking and on a normal day I tend to burn even water).

On the whole it was a great evening..the food was tasty, we had some good laughs and wonderful conversations.

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Thats the happy chef  and a picture of the quiche and  biriyani which is a fragrant Indian rice dish (made with basmati rice and spices and chicken) made by yours truly.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!