Boy Colours!

“I hate boy colours!” the little girl said.

I held up a pair of women’s underwear that had just arrived from the warehouse. The winter sale was on at the store and stock needed updating –

“What colour is this?” I asked

“That’s red”

“Is red a boy colour?”

“I hate red!” said the little girl.

“A girl after my own heart!”

The Bank robbers

They were friends before they were lovers. And now they were going to take their relationship to a whole new level –  from partners in sex they were going to be partners in crime.

They’d been gathering information on the local Bank of Demdon, a few miles from where they stayed and where each had a savings account, for four months now. Though their bank accounts were almost always empty, they by now knew everything about the place – when the bank would open and close, how many employees worked there, when the cash was loaded and unloaded and shifted into the teller counters from the vault, picking locks to figuring out passwords to safes and the tools they would need for all this – They had it all figured out.

“So we’re doing this” Celia asked Harry, her voice betrayed her nervousness.This move from hairdresser to bandit in broad daylight was a giant leap for her. The only  ‘secret weapon’ she had handled were a blow dyer or a curling iron and here she had thrust inside her bra a Beretta. She almost felt like a Bond girl at this point.

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Harry was your average Joe plumber who one fine morning decided to go rogue..he had big dreams and limited talents for making money and then decided that robbing a bank would be the solution to all his problems…Rome sure wasn’t built in a day but the human mind can flip in seconds and they were about to find out how true this was.

Dressed in black, hair dyed teal blue, teased and coiffed like rockstars of the 80’s; so that it resembled a lion’s mane after it had been electrocuted, they drove to the bank and entered through the front door and in the quick and sure motion of tigers pouncing on their prey moved quickly towards the teller.

The teller that day was a young lady in her twenties who had just gotten back after her mandatory long leave; most of which was spent in therapy for an anxiety disorder. As she took a deep breath and told herself that ‘all was well and beautiful in this world’, she looked up and saw the new visitors dressed in black with sinister looking expressions.

What triggered her reaction next could have been the bright blue hair that seemed to have a life of its own in her eyes and everything she had learnt in therapy simply flew out the teller window. She began to shriek a shriek so loud, Harry felt his ear drums had shattered into a million gazillion pieces and the fact that Sally had joined the teller in this scream fest was definitely not helping…The teller in her frenzy had by now reached into her handbag and drawn out a fully loaded standard issue Glock and as Harry turned to face the teller again he found this lethal piece of machinery – over his nose right between his eyes.

Harry and Celia froze…They were so not prepared for this. Somehow in their mind the whole bank robbery- this situation, was so wonderfully drawn out with calm, composed – the right amount terrified – all too obliging bank employees.

A few hours later as Harry and Celia lay naked in bed after an hour of passionate love making, releived they were still free and alive, they recounted the horrifying events of the day.

Needless to say they were let go. The bank manager apologised profusely for the unseemly behaviour of the bank employee as apart from the crazy looking hair, Harry and Celia did seem like a normal everyday couple visiting the bank.

Harry got back to being a plumber and Celia got back to working at her local salon and they still have nightmares of banks and insane tellers and handguns going off in their face.

He said she said….


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“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked

“Cooking” she said

“Are you watching that show on your iPad?”

“Hmm.. yes” she said

“Why cant you just do one thing at a time?”

“Because I CAN do both” she said

“Whatever” he said dismissively

“What are you doing?” she asked

“Working” he said

“And your headphones?”she asked

“What about them?

“They’re in your ear”

“Im listening to music” he said

“Let me see… and Facebooks open..”she said peering into the laptop screen

“Yea, so?”

“I rest my case”

Word of Warning: Never text and drive.